Your message and other things you say
Thoughts on things, communications and otherwise
Had a one-on-one technical demo today. Cool product, neat technology, successful business model, working for the customers. Person showing off the product was competent, well spoken, and giving not only of time, but knowledge. Everything set up for success.
I needed the demo to compare and contrast and examples in a course I teach; he supposedly needed me to give some key points of the other architecture I instruct so his product could integrate. We settled on those key points in about 5 minutes, but the demo went 75. It wasn’t boring, bad, or beneath me, but…
I am far from an expert on the product or the field it relates to, and it became obvious rather quickly this demo was not about connecting to the world I know. I got almost tickled at the demo-er as he got so fired up about the features he was showing, and it was clear when the feature was something he’d worked on. We’d go zooming off into a world unknown and incomprehensible to me, full of details and things that could have just as well been useless trivia. When I tried to compare to something I did know about (and he supposedly needed/wanted/should know), there was acknowledgement, and a race off to the next “oooh, you gotta see this…”
At the conclusion, I commented on a poster hanging in the office, and got another 15 minutes of informal discussion about something I again know little about, but I’d struck that nerve and off we went.
Overall a good experience, but had I been a customer I think that the communication would have left me dazed and feeling a little ignored. Good product. Good demo. Not good communicating/relating.
Always communicate with the listener in mind.
Merlin Mann at 43Folders commented on Bob Parsons’ ideas for handling phone calls, interruptions, and other time wasters. At first read, they sound a little harsh, but the more you realize what he’s saying, it’s a very logical way to control your own life and time. And the fault is really on the people who will be most offended — those who are presuming on others’ time. It has nothing to do with politeness, it has to do with 86,400 — that’s how many seconds you have in a day and you don’t need to waste any of them.
If you can’t get to the point in 30 seconds, you’ve got to wonder what your point is (you should be able to say it in a sentence). If your email reads like James Michener, then you’ve limited the audience you will reach. If your casual conversations last longer than a smoke break, you are boring people or killing time.
I’ve said before, the only time a more succinct message won’t be appreciated is when you’re being paid to fill a time slot (keynote speaker). Otherwise, briefer is better. Your listeners will love you for it.
Get to the point. Quickly.
Ongoing argument in my household about a conversation last week with a stranger at a consumer location. A member of my party said something that was intended to be a joke, but was mildly offensive to the person in question. This person responded with a matter-of-fact statement, which he reiterated when the conversation didn’t die. He didn’t pass judgment or call the comment into question — he merely stated the facts that supported his opposing view.
Seems that others in the group thought he was cold and unfeeling, and should have laughed it off. Since the original offense was not his choosing, I maintain that he did the right thing, took the high road of not doling out guilt or other fault, and stayed with facts and even-keeled emotion. I think that’s exactly what should be done when there are potentially volatile statements on the table.
Since the statements weren’t intended to be volatile, the offender didn’t think they were offensive, and thereby took offense at a non-humor. Herein lies a danger with humor — if the other party doesn’t get it or take kindly to it, the humor could backfire into a bonfire of umbrage. It’s best not to heap fuel or fan the flames of such a situation.
When countering a view, the high road is always a good road to take, and facts are better than opinions and inflammatory statements.
Sat through a speech the other day where something was clearly wrong. The speaker was agitated, and it showed. I never found out what it was, but the result to his speaking style was an increase in pace. It got worse and worse, to the point I even had trouble understanding him. This is not uncommon. As folks get frustrated or unnerved or rushed, they speed up. Non-words (ummmmm) start increasing in frequency. Feeling the need to put more content in less time, they speed up still more, and the cycle spirals out of control until not only are they hard to understand, but the thing they fear (not getting through) is moot because nothing gets through.
It’s hard to train yourself otherwise, but controlling your pace is a must for a polished speaker. Many times the way to get through much material is to SLOW DOWN. You’ll speak clearer, have fewer restarts and non-words, and be able to say more with less, which should be the goal of every presenter who isn’t paid to fill a time slot. If you find yourself on the slippery slope of an increasing talking speed, take a deep breath and really concentrate on enunciation and clarity. You’re listeners will thank you. Only the slowest of talkers (and rarely folks who speak a lot) have troubles with pace in the negative direction (I’m not talking about people who can’t ever seem to get to the point, but the speed with which they talk).
Make sure your pace is such you can speak clearly and succinctly.
Dad mentioned he had a presentation to the “admininstrative staff” level, his first to such lofty extremes. Over lunch, I mentioned he might like some help with the presentation (although I would not even be able to pronounce, much less explain, most of his content). Knowing my line of work, he gave a “what have you got?” sort of query, and I mentioned a few biggies — don’t talk to/read your slides, keep content on slides brief, use picture over bullets, tell stories, don’t start with “good morning, I’m so-and-so and I’m hear to talk about such-and-such”. I was getting increasingly close to the target based on the nonverbal feedback, and the last one got a chuckle from mom, who responded, “sounds like he’s read your presentation!“. When I explained the rationale behind each of my assertions, there was an Aha! moment, followed by that look of reluctance to change anything, certainly not at the last minute. Added to that was the horrific thought that one’s son could actually have something of value to add.
When we talked about PPT slides and their misuse, his comment was something along the lines of “people at NASA wouldn’t know what to do without them.” My comment was they’d be thrilled to get a presentation that had a message they could grasp and would hold their attention.
Some simple questions to rate your level of effectiveness in presenting your slides/handouts:
I think there was interest, but the ingrained culture and habits of the bureacracy coupled with the pressure of the moment, the lack of time to change, and the thought of The Baby actually being right were too much to sway this two-months-from-retirement-noreallyImeanitthistime presenter from going into uncharted waters.
If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.
Took in Sea World today. Despite the sticker shock and a cold, windy day, it was quite enjoyable. I’ve always enjoyed their entertainment between shows, especially the mimes. Goes back to a visit there while dating my wife when the mime tried to take her from me, I suppose.
Had a different perspective this visit as I watched for good communication. I was amazed at the amount of information a good mime communicates without ever saying a word. Here is a guy who had 4000 eyes on his every move and he never so much as uttered a grunt. He was in constant motion, connected with all elements of his audience, used humor a lot, had eye contact with everyone he communicated one-on-one with, used gestures to accompany all his communications, and had a face that never stopped as well (makeup helps). He mouthed words much clearer than most presenters I listen to. In short, he made a GREAT presentation, without a single verbal utterance.
Every presenter should try to mime their message in order to practice their nonverbal skills.
Since you can get so much of your message communicated nonverbally, you should.
Was commenting that there are things you don’t have to teach kids. First, you don’t have to teach little boys how to make car sounds. “Vrrrooom! Screeeech!” Then I note you don’t have to teach little girls how to mother — my daughter will talk her furry stuffed friends into slumber, obedience, and the best manners imaginable. And I note you don’t have to teach anyone how to say “ummm”. Kids (and adults!) will start most direct questions to them with a big fat “Ummmm…” It’s just a pause, and it’s just as disruptive to children’s speech as it is to adults.
Ums, ahs, you knows, I means, sos, buts, ands, basicallys, actuallys, reallys, and restarts are all poor substitutes for a pause and good pacing. When you can’t get started saying something, saying nothing is the best option. But somewhere along the way we develop patterns and habits, and they’re hard to break. My first speech coach/communications trainer taped me and I had 19 ums in a 90-second introduction. Through simple training — really simple — I now have only a few a week. I’ve seen similar results with folks who simply take the time to learn what they’re doing, become aware of it, and are taught simple ways to deal with it (simplest of all — just pause). Like any habit, it can be unlearned with instruction, repetition, and hard work.
Get help to become of aware of your non-words and correctly practice good pauses.
Had a chance to go to a Sunday School class with my parents today while visiting — the teacher is 93 years old and I felt that the opportunity to sit under such an instructor was worth being the youngest person there by a few decades.
What a treat! This gentleman still drives and is incredibly sharp. I was a bit worried the presentation would be rather scattered and filled with thoughts that could not be completed, but I was wrong. While it was clear that years have taken their toll on the speed with which the body and mind could function, they could still function. Instead of rambling, he just paused and waited like a presenter should. His use of questions was incredible. He started with a simple statement of the subject, then sprung a “what do you think about…” and contrasted two things that really made folks think. Several times he gave some hypothetical questions that were more than just trite.
I was blown away by this man’s sharpness of mind and the depth and ability to take in new material and process it, but was also pleased that he maintained a connection with his audience. While his voice and energy have faded to the point he is unable to use motion, many gestures or eye contact to hold his audience’s attention, his use of timing and pauses coupled with clear material appropriate to the listeners filled the gaps. Instead of rambling and stuttering, he would just pause, collect his thoughts, and issue a zinger of a phrase or question that had everyone with him. It’s always amazing when the attention of everyone is on the perhaps the quietest and least forceful personality present. Interesting stuff.
By the way, he was not college educated and spent his career as an owner of a gas station and passed his time by fishing. Not a typical presenter’s training, but effective communication is a skill that does not ascribe to careers, and there is no excuse not to refine your skills. And, apparently, there is no statute of limitations on how long one can be an effective communicator.
Pace your communication such that you can stay ahead of it to offer content of note.
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A collection of thoughts, impressions, tips, ideas, and observations from the Director of MillsWyck Communications, Alan Hoffler.
Time is the one commodity where everyone has equal amounts... Spend yours wisely.
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