Your message and other things you say

Watched about 30 minutes — and then the final 5 minutes — of the Final President Debate tonight. Once again, it is amazing to me that with so much on the line (it’s not even a remote stretch to say that the balance of power in the free world is at stake) we have individuals who have apparently failed to get coaching on some very basic communication skills.

Please understand this is an apolitical observation. This has nothing to do with what these men stand for, how it aligns with my beliefs, or what character they possess (or not). I’m just talking communication. To wit:

• Neither man used eye contact to generate confidence. There were shifty eyes and a lot of looking down (you could tell they missed their teleprompters).
• Both use an incredible amount of non-words, especially when using a defensive posture answering the other.
• I didn’t feel either was particularly polite until the final comments. I realize it’s a dirty, mean, political campaign, but I also believe common courtesy is worth using.

But the thing that struck me the most was the incredible overuse of statements to announce “facts”, “points”, and “truth”. I’m scared to try to estimate, but it seemed that almost every statement, rebuff, or accusation was prefaced with “The truth is…” or “The point I want to make is…” or “The facts are…” And at no time did I feel that I was getting straight facts when either man said this (as evidenced by the ubiquitous grin and sarcastic head shake by the accusee during the tirade).

If points and facts stand alone, they needn’t be announced with lead-ins. Stories shouldn’t start with, “Let me tell you a story.” (Good) jokes don’t begin with “Let me tell you a joke.” And good political rhetoric shouldn’t have to put banners and headers on every statement. Make the points clear and definitely delineate the big ones, but every issue needn’t have such a title.

The more you state that there’s a point or fact or that things are true, the more cause I have to doubt you.

Having just spent a week at Walt Disney World, I have to say their ability to answer questions is what sets them apart. In the times of this economic stress, I have to think they’re a little scared — family vacations are likely the first thing to get cut. But the smiles never stopped and the answers to our questions never went unanswered. From the top on down, it is apparent that attending to the needs of the folks that pay the bills is paramount. If I asked the street sweeper (the job I most do NOT want at WDW), I got answers (closest water fountain over there, AND you can get a free cup of water at ANY drink kiosk). When I was in the cab of the monorail (a COOL job), the driver never tired of my endless queries (they have 180 monorail drivers and can take ~300 of the 65,000 visitors each day to the park in a single train). The ticket-taker at Space Mountain entertained my questions (1815 riders per hour). The lady trying to sell $16,600 Disney Vacation Club memberships answered a steady stream even when it was obvious I was just killing time waiting on Cinderella to get out of the bathroom before the big dinner. The front desk clerk kindly explained that Classic Car Memorabilia charge was in fact a stroller rental, and did it with grace and a smile, even across the phone line. And so on, and so on…

I’d guess that the same is true with your business. Answering the questions of your clients, potential clients, or even just folks you run into is paramount to success. And yet few do it well. I have a colleague who rarely answers email. Others who get voice mails leave them unanswered regularly. Even face-to-face encounters seem to be focused on putting off answers instead of coming up with them. It’s socially rude and business suicide.

Answer questions. Timely. Accurately. Happily.

I heard a speaker the other day open his talk with a joke. Jokes aren’t inherently bad, but I definitely counsel my clients to avoid them when natural humor or stories are available. But here it came. The punchline of the joke involved a disgraced public figure. Not only does she have a tarnished image, but significant legal headaches and criminal accusations to go along with it.

But wait, there’s more. The punchline also involved a racial stereotype. Not necessarily a bad, demeaning stereotype, but still…

Ordinarily when I’m an unknown in the audience, I keep my mouth shut (those who know me well doubt my ability to do that) and I have come to overlook communication faux pas rather easily. But this one stuck with me, because I had some insight into the heart of the communicator as well as the image he wished to portray.

So I called him on it. His position afforded me (and Google) the luxury of finding his email, and I reread my composition several times before sending it. Its tone was very “you may wish to consider“. I’ve done this a handful of times and usually been sent a defensive reply. Or worse.

I was surprised to read the open of his very quick response: “You are absolutely right, and I stand corrected. Thank you for taking the time to help me improve.” He went on to offer a defense, but his overall tone was one of acceptance and thanks. And this from a guy who is a professional speaker who has attained more public success than I’ll probably ever have.

Those kinds of folks make the greatest students. They are able to see past their strengths and take advice and coaching on how to get better. I can only hope that I could be as gracious when I receive a tip/advice/criticism the next time.

If someone is vulnerable enough to offer advice, we should…

Figure out what we can learn from others.

Just got off the phone with my friend Jeff. We have about a weekly discussion about what works and what doesn’t when it comes to presentations. The theme was present at my lunch, as well. My meeting with a sales guy discussed why folks don’t do things that make them stand out (in a good way).

The question is simple: why do people continue to parrot bad habits and ineffective presentations? At first glance, the explanation is easy, as well:

1. If we’re new to a company, the last thing we’re going to do is rock the boat. We’re going to do what everyone else does, even if it stinks.
2. Once we do something and survive, we’re most likely to do the same something, even if it’s not great.
3. There are very few direct penalties for doing a bad presentation.

These observable truths lead to pure death in presenting. We have GOT to continue to refine our craft and do new things. Some (many?!) may not work. But we’ll never know if we don’t try. So why is that so hard?

That answer is a little more complex. No one likes to fail. Some do it more gracefully than others, of course, but few people posses the fortitude and drive to set out with high risk when a safer alternative exists (albeit more boring as well). And yet that is what is needed. The question becomes HOW we can force ourselves to risk. More on that later.

But for now, I firmly believe…
Facing great risk leads to the greatest rewards.

Try something different. It may even work.

Speaking with a friend recently who has been applying to jobs, looking to return to a work force that dumped him pretty abruptly.  He’s capable and experienced — and out of work.

He’s had several interviews — several have been quite promising.  He is still unemployed.

He shared two situations that stuck out.  In one, he made a follow-up call to the hiring manager, who in essence said, “I don’t have anything to tell you, blah-blah-blah.  We’re evaluating our options with HR.“  Subsequent calls got even more deferrals.  He knew interviewing had finished.  Eventually, HR sent a form letter that the position had been filled, thank for your interest, bye-bye.

A second interview was at the same crossroads.  Follow-up with the hiring manager yielded a long conversation that began with, “We’ve just settled on another candidate who is a better match to the skillset we were hoping to fill.  We liked a lot about what you had to offer, but this was a better fit.  If we have another need, we would be thrilled to have you come back to talk with us.”

Both situations are likely similar.  This candidate is not one of those, “How on God’s green earth did HE make the screen?” He’s competent and capable, trying to push the envelope into a new territory.

Which response would you rather hear?  Why couldn’t manager #1 even give a response?  What did he say by saying nothing and letting a form letter do his work for him?  The answer is not positive for that firm and group.

People want the truth.  They may be disappointed by it, surprised by it, don’t like it, and stay in denial for who knows how long about it.  But they want it.   The second half of the equation, according to Ephesians 4:15 would be to “speak the truth in love.”  There is no reason to make a point or kick someone while they are down.  Every interviewee knows that NOT getting the job is a possibility.  They prep for that, even.  To not tell a capable potential employee that they were not hired reeks of spineless dishonesty.  It’s not a lie, but my guess is my friend didn’t want to work there anyway.  Manager #2?  I’d work for him.  At least you know where you stand.

Speak the truth.  Kindly.

In my speaking, often I’m asked to share the stage with experts or others who complement the program. I have such an occasion in my current round of safety seminars. I’ve worked with several ‘experts’ who have been given instructions from the one contracting our services and they’ve all done what is asked of them. Until now.

For reasons that cannot be explained, this presenter has ignored the directions and is telling us (the hiring entity and me, the host presenter) what he’ll do. Rather than answer questions, he outlined a “here’s what I’ll cover” presentation and even crafted his own slides and sent them along (the experts have been instructed to simply comment on some points of the program and answer questions). The slides included paragraphs of information and flowcharts that were not readable. When I pinged him (for the third time) to suggest they be reformatted, his response was, “Please leave it as it is. I want the cites in the slide for me so that I make sure I cite correctly without looking at notes.” It is most notably not Rule #1 compliant and tells me that he’s only interested in his content.

It’s a funny thing, advice. When we ask for it, we often don’t really want it. When it’s given freely and without request, it’s almost always hated. Here’s a guy who is standing on stage and has given me his key point, which is that when people need help, they should call him (and pay him). And yet, he is unwilling to take advice from others on an area in which he needs help (following the directions of a client and presenting). I’m sure I have similar blind spots.

Proverbs tells us that “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” (12:15).  None of us wants to be foolish.  But by being bullheaded and refusing to accept the wisdom others have to offer, we put ourselves squarely in that category.

Consider areas you need others’ help in. Then ask for, and accept, the advice of those who have proven wise in that area.

Was privy to attend a product “party demo” (for lack of a formal event name) where the powers that be catered some grub to show the development crowd how their hard work had paid off.  To show them just how great things were, they planned a product demo by the execs for all to watch.  Great idea — getting the development community and the management team together.
As I mingled about with a few familiar faces, we were startled to discover the demo had started.  There was no announcement, no gathering of the troops, no public address.  Just a silent start.  I then watched the very disengaged crowd.  As some noticed the demo and the bigwigs that had congregated for the celebration, they moved closer and tried to take in what was being done.  But no broadcast sound and the distance between those acting and those watching made for an unfulfilling experience and the crowd drifted away.  Some never bother to connect, simply staying on the fringes.  I was told later the powers-that-be declared the demo a smashing success.

Examined from a distance, the executive team had a very important part of the company assembled.  They failed to make a public announcement and did not ask for — or get — any feedback from the people closest to their pre-release product.  Rather than taking the opportunity to engage them with some dialog, they chose a safe distance and a sort of stage to hide behind.

The same thing can happen every time a customer walks into a retail store, a trade show booth is erected, or a gathering of any community/organization occurs.  It’s a chance to collect data, a chance to develop relationships, and a chance to improve.

When faced with the chance to talk to your customer, team, employees, or friends, find out what they think by starting a (two-way) conversation and listen.

Traveling a few weeks back and found a number of customer service stories from the line of work that seems absolutely determined to provide bad service — the airlines.

After missing one flight (due to no fault of my own — in fact, I ran through the airport and arrived 10 minutes before departure only to be told the plane I was looking at was “closed”.  Another post, perhaps) I made my make-up flight that sent me back to where I’d just come from to make another (later) flight home.  I settled in and prepared to sleep.

The flight attendant, smiling sweetly, started about row 2 to ask folks to move.  Story was something like: “We have to move some people towards the back of the plane for weight and balance issues.“  Being a pilot, this got my attention.  A plane that is out of balance can easily become uncontrollable, with disastrous results.  The attendant received blank stares, and proceeded to the next row.  And the next.  People flat-out ignored her.  Finally she goto my row and asked if I — and my seatmate — would move.  Sure, says I, wanting to live to see another sunrise.

To my surprise, we were asked to move exactly one seat rearward, to the exit row (she was selling more footroom and people still weren’t biting).  So in effect, she moved about 350 pounds about 18 inches on a plane that probably weighed nearly 20 tons.  And this was near or at the existing CG (Center of Gravity) of the airplane.

Now I have degrees in Aerospace Engineering and Mathematics, and am a pilot and aviation safety instructor.  While there is certainly a mathematical and aerodynamic change, I don’t believe for an instant it mattered one whit.  Which as a communications coach, raises one of two questions:

1. Why would an Airline-whose-name-means-change-or-triangle-shaped-part-of-the-head-of-a-river employee deliberately lie to customers, with the likelihood very high that they would be found out?
2. Why would an Airline-whose-name-means-change-or-triangle-shaped-part-of-the-head-of-a-river employee charged with safety of flight issues not be instructed as to the ramifications and parameters that must be met to ensure said safety?

My guess is that the regulations require an able-bodied person to actually be in the window seat of an exit row.  Why can’t that be said?  It would even put the blame on some bureaucrat instead of the person standing in front of me.  Either answer is quite disturbing to me.

Tell the truth or find out the reason.  Else you will be found out.