I watched the very cute movie “Charlotte’s Web” last night with the family.  I was awed by the technical aspects of the film combining live animals, puppets (there’s probably a better term), and virtually generated animals.  But two lines of the film jumped out at me and have a direct impact on our communications.  Today [...]]]>

I watched the very cute movie “Charlotte’s Web” last night with the family.  I was awed by the technical aspects of the film combining live animals, puppets (there’s probably a better term), and virtually generated animals.  But two lines of the film jumped out at me and have a direct impact on our communications.  Today you get two nuggets for the price of one — two for Tuesday.

First, when Charlotte (the spider) was addressing the barn animals, she used some big words.  This helped to develop the character of the runt pig Wilbur and to give the spider some authority in the barnyard.  One of the animals says, “Man, can that spider talk.“  And another responds, “Yeah, but what did she say, exactly?“

My blog title is based on this.  We used lots of words.  We give off non-verbal signals.  We have a plan.  But what do we say?  And does it match?  We drone on and on about our businesses, but what do we say?  We speak things to loved ones, but what do we say? We explain our situation, product, and feelings, but what do we say, exactly?  This is critical stuff, and insight only a cartoon can give.

What are you saying, exactly?

My second moment was after the “Some Pig” message had lost its allure.  The crowds disappeared.  The barnyard loses its life.  The animals all want something amazing to happen.  Narrator: “What was amazing yesterday had suddenly become ordinary again today.“

This is the problem with most of our efforts in life.  We work hard to make something amazing happen, and it is no longer amazing.  We can easily lose our desire to even try to make the next amazing thing.  Yet there are so many things we simply MUST do.  And if we view them as amazing, we are inspired, and can inspire others.

What amazing thing has become ordinary in your life?

In a discussion the other day, I asked bluntly, “What is a manager’s job?“  I had some ideas already, and [...]]]> I love the hope a New Year brings.  I hate the realization that it seldom comes to pass.  I’ve spent the better part of the last quarter thinking about what I want to accomplish in 2010. 

In a discussion the other day, I asked bluntly, “What is a manager’s job?“  I had some ideas already, and none of them involved meetings.

The answer I got was lockstep with those thoughts.  “To make his/her people better.“

As an independent, I’m not a manager, and I don’t think I’d enjoy being one.  I have enough trouble getting myself to do all the work that has to be done.  But I absolutely love making people better.  It is the very essence of my business and what gets me up day after day.  And it seems to be a great focus for 2010.

2009 ended with some great successes.  It seems that the last few groups of people I taught were just ripe for the lessons that I had to give them.  The results were wonderful, immediate, and life-changing.  I can’t wait for 2010 and next week to get underway and do it some more.  I had “life-changing” in some promotional materials and my copywriter made me take them out.  He said it was too abstract.  But that’s exactly what I want to do more of — changing lives.

Side note: If you are a manager, focus more on improving your underlings than getting them to “do” something.  You’ll be better, and your organization and the people you serve will be, too.

Side note #2: Making someone better involves a whole lot less of telling them what is wrong and a whole lot more of providing the tools to help them get it right.  

Side note #3: While it’s easy to get inspired to make others better, what are we doing to make ourselves better?  I have my list.  I want you to make one, too.

Make someone better.  Start with yourself.

We tend to be myopic in our views of our future.  We often cannot imagine the opportunities before us.  Therefore we aim for our best guess at the future, and it is almost never right.  Just ask a 4-year-old, or an 8-year-old, or an 18-year-old, or a 30-year-old what they want [...]]]> In two words: They Change

We tend to be myopic in our views of our future.  We often cannot imagine the opportunities before us.  Therefore we aim for our best guess at the future, and it is almost never right.  Just ask a 4-year-old, or an 8-year-old, or an 18-year-old, or a 30-year-old what they want to be when they grow up.  Even if we are part of the distinct minority and nail it, we can’t imagine the path we take to get there.

In my line of work — training — I have met only ONE person who said they set out with the career goal of being a “trainer”.  I’ve met a TON of folks (like myself) who discovered training quite by accident and LOVE it.  Many go back and get additional education, but there are precious few (none?!) undergraduate programs in adult education and training.  The graduate world is full of them.  This is proof positive that training is a discovered career and requires a course correction to find.

Many people and companies hold to their goals as if they are immovable objects.  This is set for failure, because the situations those goals were established under change.  We must change with them.  Not achieving a goal is not failure.  Not setting them sure and holding to them when they need to be changed sure is.

A corollary to this issue is that we aim too low.  C.S. Lewis says:

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

I am first in line guilty of this sort of thinking, and it’s hard to change.  I recently chatted with a friend who has a great idea, great talent, and a great future.  His comment was of the sort, “I don’t think I’ll make any money from this, but I want to do it.“  That’s a great mindset and I applaud the freedom from the tyranny of materialism, but I personally think he has a great business opportunity and if he even half looked for it, there would be a great living to be made in it.  That doesn’t mean he should set a goal to make lots of money, to be sure, but it is extremely limiting to remove that possibility from the goal at the outset.

Set lofty goals, re-evaluate them, and change them, as necessary.

It’s at those moments where the status [...]]]> I often have students — usually experienced ones — who take issue with a point I might make or a methodology I prescribe.  Since I’m in the business of changing behavior, by very definition I am trying to get folks to do things differently.  Some folks apparently don’t like different.

It’s at those moments where the status quo meets the “You want me to do WHAT?” that we find out a lot about ourselves.  Those who have tasted success and reached comfort often say, “That won’t work, and here’s why.“  Those who have not tasted success and/or are not comfortable with who they are often say, “Well, that’s different.  I’ll try it.“  Almost invariably, they’ll find that something clicks for them.  The neat thing for me, the instructor, is often what clicks has nothing to do with what I was trying to teach.  I can’t explain how that works, but it’s fun and I take little credit for it.  The student, by investigating their own limits, discovers something quite new.  That is simply what happens when we discover ourselves.

Those who fight back frustrate us both.  Instead of trying to find something to learn, they spend time defending what works for them.  But what “works” may be just good, when great or The Best may be waiting.  I walk away from those encounters challenged to never accept good for myself.  When I’m being pushed by a differing view, I do not have to change my view.  But I’m cheating myself by not considering what I can learn from the new idea.

When faced with something that is uncomfortable, new, or even downright odd,

ask yourself, “What can I learn?”

Does that statement alarm you?  Seems innocuous enough.  We’re unable to overlook [...]]]> “I love almost everything about X.  X is wonderful.  Reminds me of the dreams when I started out in life.  X is just the culmination of all that is good.  But I just can’t overlook the fact that X is Y.  That is unacceptable.“

Does that statement alarm you?  Seems innocuous enough.  We’re unable to overlook something that is blatant.  Happens all the time.  Kid is smart, but also a smart aleck.  She’s a nice girl, but she’s also my best friend’s girl friend.  It sounded like a great investment, but the risk was just too much to stomach.  That is one swell car, but I just cannot afford it (I realize this last example is inherently un-American and may not resonate, but it’s where I live).

I heard a similar statement today in a professional setting.  Just changed a few nouns and adjectives.  It went something like this (again not verbatim):

“I hate her.  She’s a witch.  She’s mean.  She’s devious.  She’s a fraud.  She’s evil to the core.  But hey, she’s a woman, and I want women to succeed, so I can’t call her on it.“  I was shocked by the smugness of the person who said it.  “So, if she were a he, you’d do something differently and be adamant and vocal about it?“ 

“Absolutely,” was the response.

That, my friends, is bigotry.  And it’s alive and well — unfortunately — in urban, educated, middle class, inclusive, diverse, professional, proper America.  It’s — appropriately — called out when the bigotee (is that a word — is now) is oppressed, a minority, unlucky, or an idiot.  But this was a politically correct, nonchalant, “educated” statement.  The person was trying so hard to be open-minded and progressive.  And the more I think about it, the more it shows me that it’s a simple substitution from statements that are often accepted.

I wonder what similar statements I’ve made and felt justified in making.  And been wrong. 

True open-mindedness would allow us to see people and situations for what they are.  Advocates for women’s rights should not say that a woman is more qualified than a man because she’s a woman.  Racial equality is not about making sure that all races are represented equally.  Economic diversity is not about making all incomes have equal power.  It’s about making sure that gender, race, income, or whatever is NOT an issue.  At all.

Some rhetorical questions to cause you to think:

• If Barrack Obama were white, would his election be in doubt? 
• If Sarah Palin were male, would she have as much attention as she does? 
• If John McCain were 20 years younger and Barrack Obama 20 years older, what would the election look like?
• If the quarterback of your biggest rival school played for YOUR team, would you admire his skills?
• If someone else had what you have, would you be happy for them (or jealous o them)?

It’s not easy stuff.  Life isn’t that simple.  But if we can think critically in this way, we can get to the issues that drive us, and that defines who we are.  Would that we all could be defined as bigot-free.  Sadly, we’re likely a long way from it.

Strive to think critically and beware of templates that would give away our bigotry if things were reversed.